Being What I Am

During Shacharis, the morning prayers, there is a controversial section.  In blessing Gd for the various things he has done for us everyone thanks Gd for not making them gentiles, for not making them slaves, and then the men recite “Blessed are you, Hashem, our Gd, King of the universe, for not having made me a woman,” while women say “Blessed are you, Hashem, our Gd, King of the universe, for having made me according to His will.”

I say both.

As a male it may make more sense for me to only say the prior, as Gd did in fact not make me a woman.  But I have an identity issue, and it has nothing to do with gender.  What is this prayer really saying?  Is it saying that Jewish men are so misogynistic that they really need to thank Gd every morning that they are not a member of the fairer sex?  Doubtful.  In Judaism, what truly differentiates men from women is obligations.  Men are obligated in all the mitzvos that they technically could perform.  That means the three daily prayers at their proper times, the laying of Tefillin, reading the Torah, etc… Women, on the other hand, are not obligated in such a manner.  Judaism recognizes that women have other obligations that often take (and should take) priority, such as raising a family.  For this reason the Torah does not obligate women in performing positive, time bound, mitzvos.  Women are considered on a higher spiritual level than men, as they are able to create life (among various other reasons), so men are given the gift of obligation to allow them to reach the levels of spirituality women are born into.

So every morning men thank Gd that they are obligated to perform more mitzvos than women in order to reach up to Gd as well, whereas women thank Gd for the gift that they were created with.

So by reciting the woman’s prayer as well am I claiming to be created at a higher level than other men?  No.

As a child of intermarriage I am not a Jew.  So I skip the prayer thanking Gd for not making me a gentile, as He did in fact make me a gentile.  Instead I insert the woman’s prayer thanking Gd for making me as I am.

For us children of intermarriages our identities can be confusing.  Those of us drawn to Judaism face a major dilemma.  We love Judaism and everything it teaches, yet we have to reconcile the fact that our father did not marry a Jew, that we are not Jews, and most importantly, that our mother is not Jewish.  This can be an awkward and painful process.  On the one hand one wants to jump in and immerse oneself in Judaism to the fullest extent possible.  Yet at the same time, most people do not want to hurt their families, especially their mothers.

But by becoming an orthodox Jew a child may give the wrong impression to his or her mother.  She may think her child is rejecting her, is embarrassed of her, or resents her for not being Jewish.  She may worry that her baby wishes she were not its mother, but rather that some Jewish woman were there instead.  I can imagine no pain grater than that: the feeling that your own flesh and blood wishes you were someone else.

This is why I thank Gd every morning for having made me according to His will.  Gd saw fit to make me my mother’s child, and He also saw fit to draw me closer to Him.  I cannot separate one from the other.  I would not be the person I am today or in the position I am today were it not for my non-Jewish mother.  I cannot let her think, even for an instant, that I wish it were otherwise.  To do so would not only hurt her more deeply than I could ever imagine, but would also thoroughly disrespect Gd.  I do not pretend to understand why Gd operates the way he does.  But He saw fit to create me this way, and in his infinite wisdom it must have been the best way.

As a non-Jew I am not obligated in any mitzvos: positive, time bound, or otherwise (save for the 7 noachide laws… but lets shelf that for now).  So I obviously cannot only offer the prayer for men in its purest form, as I have no reason to thank Gd for not making me a woman: I am not yet obligated in mitzvos regardless of my gender.  For me to only thank Gd for not making me a woman would in fact be pure misogyny.  I retain the prayer for not making me a woman because some day when I convert, as a man, I will have the added obligations Gd saw fit to grant to me.  Yet given my current situation I must also thank Gd for having made me according to His will.  By offering this prayer I accept and honor my mother.  I recognize it is Gd’s will that she is the woman she is, and that she brought me into this world.  Without her I am nothing, and even as I move towards Judaism I need to let her know that I do not reject her and that I do not wish she were anything or anyone other than who she is.

.ברוך אתה ה’ אלקינו מליך העולםת, שעשני כרצונו

Thoughts on a New Year

Back to IU for the last time.  It’s crazy, but almost a relief.  College has not been what I expected it to be, and this next year will be something no one, least of all myself, saw coming.  College at IU does not sound like something that would better a person, at least spiritually.  However, I can’t see myself having turned out as I have had I gone anywhere else (something I will explore in a later post).  Now, this is not a eulogy (that will be in December when I actually graduate), but just some thoughts on this upcoming year.  Senior year is typically thought of as a grand finale… a time to finish up academically and to squeeze in all the partying and rambunctious behavior before entering the “real world.”  But for me it will be different.  I will not be out on a Friday night chasing tail.  I will not be at the bars, or tailgating of Saturday afternoon.  I won’t be making out with sorority girls in the back room of a party, and I won’t be streaking after we (hopefully) win the big game.  I won’t be up at 2 am smoking weed and ordering pizza with my buddies, or sleeping in until 2pm after a wild night.  I will not be doing any of the things that I thought I would be doing as a senior in college.  But do I regret it?  Not at all.  The real world is coming at us seniors faster than we realize.  In all actuality we probably have not been removed from the real world at all.  The actions we take and the decisions we make in college, both back in the day, now, and this next coming year, will not be erased when we receive our diplomas.  We will not magically transform into responsible adults once we move our tassels to the left.  We need to become the people we need and want to become now, not in some amorphous time in the future.  I know the college mentality: that life is short, so party while you can.  But that seems to miss the point entirely.  Life is short, and college is shorter… take what you can, especially us seniors in this next and final year, and make yourself better for it.  We only have so much time on this planet.  We need to stop this nonsense and realize we have a time limit on becoming the individuals we want to become.  We need to realize that we are not entering the real world this next December or May, but that we have been in it our entire lives, even these past three years!  I hope this next year, both school and calendar, brings the inspiration and courage everyone needs to maximize their potentials and to become the real people they truly want to become.

The Convert’s Dilemma

As I find myself in the oh-so joyous position of being in the gray void between convert and Jew, so conveniently created by modernity, I am repeatedly faced with a feeling of irrelevancy.  Having been raised a Jew, and having started out as a well intentioned Baal Teshuva, I felt as though my strides towards a more observant lifestyle truly resonated on high, so to speak.  And I still do, in part, feel that way.  However, I am now and again hit by gusts of futility.  I am not a Jew… yet I am one of the most observant Jews I know (or at least that are in my immediate vicinity).  I was born into an intermarried, secular/Reform household.  As I grew older I began to search, as many do, for my place in this world.  Judaism became that place for me, and I began to settle in.  However, being from an intermarried home (my mother is not Jewish), I am not halachically Jewish.  So feelings I thought were those of a BT (Baal Teshuva) were really those of a Ger (Convert).  Now, there are all sorts of fun issues associated with my slipshod conversion through the conservative movement that put me in this grey area.  I had a hatafat dam, was questioned by a Beis Din, and was immersed in a mikvah.  Yet for personal reasons of increased religiosity I was not satisfied with this conversion; understanding that it may not have been binding or totally official (it was totally official according to the conservative movement… but I am no longer a part of that world, and so I am a bit wary of the halachic standards implemented there).  So now I am in this netherworld of a non-Jewish Jew… and not in the Marxist conception of such an individual that Isaac Deutscher celebrated.  And therein lies my angst.  As a BT I want to live up to my new chosen life-style’s ideals as best I can.  I want to keep kosher, daven three times a day, go to Yeshiva and be accepted in a Minyan.  I want to be able to lead birkat hamazon and say brachot on behalf of others.  Yet I am not a BT… I am a convert… a potential convert at that.  While I can do these things for myself, they have no bearing on others.  Maybe it sounds selfish and childish, but it is difficult to do these things and to believe them as strongly as I do, yet have to sit back and let those around me who are not so religious, have no intention of being so religious, and are usually indifferent at best towards Judaism be able, pushed, and supported to do things half-heartedly that I would love to do with all my body and soul.  It is fantastic that these Jews are getting a chance to experience and connect with their tradition, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I can’t help but feel resentful and jealous.  It sometimes becomes difficult to continue to persevere and go through the motions, that while personally fulfilling, don’t really mean much at all in the communal context.  That is the convert’s dilemma, at least this convert’s dilemma.  How to continue to be inspired and feel connected while at the same time being barred from connecting the way others could connect and experince Judaism, but choose not to.  However, I would not have it any other way.  I am happy to be alive, so I cannot be too upset about the conditions of my birth (a Jewish upbringing while not actually being Jewish).  And I cannot be too upset about the restrictions put on my by Judaism… because I believe it to be true, and so if it tells me I have to wait a bit longer to do these things, then fine.  I would rather wait and put up with these feelings of jealousy and futility than go in and change halacha.  My only wish is that Jews today should respect their traditions more, if for no other reason than the realization that there is at least one person who is incessantly pining away to even have the opportunity to experience the privileges they were born with yet often disregard.

Zionism as Militarism?

For a class on antisemitism I am writing a paper on left wing antisemitism in America.  Naturally, the subject of anti-Zionism as antisemitism arose.  It is a very touchy subject, as is left wing antisemitism in general.  I send my parents most of my papers, and discuss particularly difficult ones with them as well, and this paper is no exception.  As the son of a liberal, Southern Californian family I am obviously going out on a bit of a limb writing about this… but they say write what you know, so I figured it would be best to discuss liberal antisemitism.  In discussing this paper with my father it became clear to me that the definitions of words would become incredibly important for the purposes of this paper.  Who is a “liberal” and what would make a “liberal” “antisemitic,” and what does “antisemitic” itself mean anyway?!  All of that aside, the main point of contention was the aforementioned link between anti-Zionism and antisemitism.  I am willing to grant that not all anti-Israel comments are antisemitic… but where that line is drawn is a very heated issue.  While my family is well intentioned, some members have a tendency to draw it in a different place than I do.  My dad asked me to define “Zionism” so as to better understand what “anti-Zionism” meant.  I used the, as far as I know, the generally accepted definition: the belief in, the need for, and the support of the creation of an autonomous Jewish state in the land formerly known as Canaan, Judea, Palestine and now Israel.  Merriam-Webster defines it as: “an international movement originally for the establishment of a Jewish national or religious community in Palestine and later for the support of modern Israel.”  However, he hesitated in accepting this definition, thinking that there was something more militaristic about it.  This is a commonly held belief; that Zionism is not just the support of the creation and continued existence of Israel, but rather that it is inherently violent in some way… not just pro-Israel, but also anti-Palestine.  Granted, the connection between Zionism and militarism cannot be dismissed.  Since the 1930s, if not before, there has been violence between Jewish Zionist paramilitary groups and the local Arab population.  But it is a chicken and the egg argument.  Are Zionists inherently militaristic because Zionism itself preaches militarism, or is it a strong ideology that says that Jews have the right to self determination in their own land regardless of who stands against them, and that they will now fight for their rights rather than just relying on the gentiles around them?  I believe it to be the later.  Does violence in defense of Israel make Zionism evil?  I would argue it makes it quite the opposite.  Every country and every people has the right to self defense.  If a country is attacked it has the right and responsibility to protect its people. If that is what being militaristic means, then yes, Zionism is militaristic.  However, I do not think that self defense is what people have in mind when they think of Zionism as militaristic.  I  think that people see “militarism” as much more base and primitive than self defense.  Zionism as militarism seems to me to be the idea that the Jews who are Zionists want violence and see the military lifestyle and values as paramount.  Granted, Israel has become incredibly militaristic due to its circumstances.  However, looking at the first Zionists one could not exactly call them militaristic.  They learned mostly how to farm, how to live in an agrarian and socialist community (the Kibbutz movement was really the initial manifestation of Zionism).  However they ran into harsh opposition, and being proactive and self determined they took up arms to defend themselves.  There were no military training camps in eastern Europe (I am sure fighting and shooting was involved, but these Zionist camps were no Hamas or Al Qaeda military training camps like we see on TV).  If Israel lived in peace, then Zionists would, I believe, also be peaceful.  Zionism supports the creation of a Jewish state that can stand up and defend the Jewish people if necessary.  If no one was seeking to harm them then there would be no problem.  This is militarism based on, and in reaction to the move against a belief in the basic dignity of the Jewish people, and their right to self defense and self determination as a people who are tired of being kicked around by the world and will do what is necessary to stop the abuse.  Granted, this is a hot-button issue, and even people who agree with me will disagree with me.  I will be posting a shorter version of my paper (if its good) or splitting it up and posting weekly installments.  Regardless, this topic is far from reaching any sort of closure both on this blog and in the world in general.

Hypocrisy

Well, it has been a while, yet not much has changed.  I have been thinking a great deal about hypocrisy recently, sort of tied into the end of my last post.  Many people have called me out on my behavior, and they may in fact have a point.  I say that I want to be religious, and I have this feeling that being a religious Reform, Conservative or even Modern Orthodox Jew isn’t quite enough.  While each movement may or may not have its merits and place in the world, I see myself situated in a more religious setting than those.  I feel this way because I see in each movement a level of hypocrisy I cannot rationally or intellectually overcome.  Yet people have rightly told me to look in the mirror.  How can I dismiss these other forms of Judaism as illegitimate while I don’t correctly follow the form of Judaism I consider to be true?  Unlike the last post, I do sometimes seek to argue against less observant forms of Judaism… yet I find myself doing so while eating non-kosher food, or having not davend that day.  So am I a hypocrite?  Yeah, I guess I am.  However, I don’t get down on myself or just give up and join a less observant movement.  I don’t because I have the knowledge that I am on a road, and that it is a process.  One can just decide to turn his life around completely and become frum in one day.  But that is not how it is working for me, nor is it how it works for many Baal Teshuvas.  As a Rabbi  at my Yeshiva explained, he would not have a problem with Reform or Conservative Judaism so long as they promoted growth.  However, he sees the labels of “Reform” and “Conservative” as making a space for Jews who are afraid or ignorant of Jewish ritual or traditional practice to feel comfortable with their less observant lifestyle.  I do not feel comfortable at my level, and so I come across as hypocritical at times.  I don’t keep fully kosher, yet I argue that it is incredibly important.  However, because of my discomfort I continue to change and adjust my lifestyle.  I do not just want to just settle in and say, “Well, I have a hard time keeping kosher, so if I say I am Reform or Conservative I don’t have to!  Furthermore, I am still a good Jew because the platform of my movement says  I am, so I don’t have to worry!”  To me that is hypocrisy that cannot be defended.  One says that they are a Jew, yet they do not follow the tenets that up until 100 year ago made one a Jew; they continue to pray to Hashem while effectively and actively ignoring His laws… that is hypocritical.  Now, again, before I am lynched, do I say I am perfect? Never.  However, I am striving to live up to my own standards for myself, and it is a long and difficult journey.  I falter many times, and stay at a lower level for far too long.  But I have not and will not give up on my climb.  So while I may be a hypocrite in some ways, in others I am not.  I admit that on face value many of my rants are full of hypocrisy, yet in what I am ultimately arguing for, the return to an honest, responsible, and intelligent Judaism, I am not a hypocrite at all.  I realize it is a process, and I do not think that anyone on this road is ultimately wrong, those who are committed to change yet take a while in doing it are justified so long as they continue to change.  However, those who park themselves at the side of the road and declare that it is in fact the destination are themselves the true hypocrites.

Tolerance

In discussing my life with my grandfather I went to look up a picture of my cousin.  My grandfather was saying that he is not able to fully support or fully accept/approve of the path I am choosing for my life.  I responded by saying that my second cousin, whom he seems to at least tolerate, has an equally “alternative” lifestyle as an openly gay man who is also a transvestite at times.  If he can put up with that, then why can’t he stand for my becoming a “black hat”?  Now, there is alot of family history involved in this which I won’t go into now, but regardless, I was looking up my cousin online because I have not seen him in a while, and talking about him made me curious as to what he was up to.  So I went to google, and looked up his name in the image search and found a rather shocking picture.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my cousin, but he does have a shockingly alternative lifestyle.  So I click on the picture, and it links me to a Jewish hate site, which I will not link you to because it is so scummy that I would rather it not benefit from even the one or two people who read this.  His picture and email were posted on this site under a list of self hating Jews.  My first reaction was to laugh.  I mean, its kind of funny to see a picture of my cousin dressed in drag on this site.  But then I realized… This is my cousin, he is not some international figure or celebrity… he is a PHD of dance somewhere in LA.  Who would have the time to look him up and put him on this site?  These people call themselves Jews too… Jews who somehow see it as acceptable to make a hit list of sorts with full names and contact information of people they label as self-hating… it is disgusting and scary.  I would like to think that such hatred is marginalized and on the very fringe of Jewish society… I hope it is at least.  We are better than that, we NEED to be better than that; anything less is completely unacceptable on both a human and Jewish level.  I remember that same cousin came up to me about two years ago and said that he wanted to make sure that my new religiosity wouldn’t cause strife between us.  I assured him it wouldn’t.  And it wont.  These websites and individuals really need to read Torah more closely.  It is an “abomination” to be gay, just as it is an “abomination” to eat shellfish.  I don’t see them with a list of kashrut violators, or finding people around the world who eat shellfish in public and harassing them because of it.  Do I think he is a good Jew?  No.  But I treat him no differently than I do the rest of my family who doesn’t keep kosher.  One can be a bad Jew and still be a good person, just as one can be a good Jew and a bad person.  I’m not going to accost him when I see him just as I don’t overturn tables at our family gatherings where milk and meat are served together and the meat itself isn’t kosher to being with.  People need to relax and take a step back.  Are the people on their hit list a detriment to Jewish society?  Sure, some of them probably are.  But that is no reason to be a detriment yourself and cause even greater Chillul Hashem with senseless, overbearing, and public intolerance and hatred.

Addendum:  Due to some outcry over this article, I wish to take a moment to explain myself.  I follow the Torah as best I can, and believe it to be true.  I cannot pick and choose from its teachings.  Therefore, when I am faced with a section such as gays being an abomination I am faced with a challenge.  I will not compromise on this section just as I will not compromise on any other section.  However, some interpretation and personal reflection is needed.  Am I a perfect Jew?  Not by a long shot.  Then how dare I get angry at someone for breaking a commandment when I do so all the time as well?  I do believe that being gay is not correct according to Judaism… however that is with the knowledge that MY actions are often not correct according to Judaism.  I do not hate myself, and I do not hate people who eat shellfish, just as I do not hate gays.  Will I compromise on my morals and beliefs and say that being gay is NOT wrong according to Judaism?  No.  But I also will not compromise on my morals and beliefs and say that my lack of a kosher kitchen or infrequent tefillin use are also NOT wrong.  I do not strive to build myself up by knocking others down.  This post was meant to defend my cousin within the context of Torah.  I meant no offense, but rather quite the opposite, and I hope that he, and others reading this realize that.

Taxidermied Judaism

I do not mean to offend by this, although it may come across that way.  I am merely curious.  As I move from being an ignorant Reform Jew (not that Reform Jews as such are ignorant, I just happened to be) to a less ignorant Orthodox convert/Baal Teshuva, it is something I struggle with.  This curiosity is with the modern Jewish conception of “Judaism” as purely cultural and historical, with complete ignorance, disregard or detestation for Jewish law and “religion”.  From what I have seen and learned, Hashem is pretty explicit in his words.  Follow His laws and you will be His people, for better or for worse (at least in our eyes), and up until 100 years or so ago this has shaped every aspect of Jewish life, culture and history.

However there is a HUGE segment of today’s Jewish population that either doesn’t know, disregards, or actively undermines these very laws, yet still has a passionate and fierce sense of Jewish Identity.

But what is Judaism without Torah law (by “Torah” I mean both written and oral)?

It is a group of people… but any group of people has to have something binding it together.  If not Torah law then what is it?  History?  Culture?  For most Jews in America today American history and culture are much more accessible and relatible than Jewish history and culture.  And, after all, Jewish history and culture are shaped by Jewish law.  Would Hanukkah have happened if Mattisyahu had thought of Kashrut as just an outdated idea that no loner applied in his modern times?  Had he, then he would have eaten the pork, and who knows… we may not exist today to joke about Hanukkah bushes and write books on “christmukkah”.

Why eat bagels and cream cheese and joke about how Jewish your breakfast is when you could have ham and eggs?  Yiddish culture would not be around save for Torah Law, nor would Sephardic food, the Holocaust, or the state of Israel.  The modern Jewish enterprise seems to be to parse out all the laws and religious aspects from Judaism and leave the husk of culture and history to feel close to… almost like taxidermy.

Take a beautiful lion that continues to live because if its heart, lungs, and vital organs.  Then kill it, gut it, and save the skin, fur and bones which were produced by the living organism, and which are much more aesthetically pleasing.  Now it is beautiful, picturesque, something to look at and appreciate but not to interact with in any meaningful way.  You can put it where you want, and make it do whatever you please.  But it is no longer alive.  It will never produce future generations, and its beauty will fade with time.  Had you left it alive its coat would continue to be renewed, its eyes would still glitter and its muscles ripple with life, ready to face the new day.

Taxidermied Judaism, while aesthetically pleasing and easy to cope with, does not have a future.  I can see no way for those who have somehow come to the understanding that Torah laws are irrelevant for the future life of Judaism to continue to pass their ideology and identity through the generations.  If Torah law is the only thing that got us this far, or at least has been our guide up until this point and the major influence on our culture and history, then how can we possibly postulate that we will continue to exist into the future as brightly and successfully as we have up until today without it?

A Lament for the Ignorant Intellectual

“Will Change in America Bring Change to the Middle East? A Conversation on Gaza, Obama, the Israeli elections, and the prospects for peace” was the title. I knew it would be bad, but the masochist that  I am I went anyway.  Entering the temple and seeing the mass of retirees and hippies that had shown up, not that there is anything inherently wrong with either of these segments of the population, only heightened my sense that this would be a painful experience.  And so it was.  First up is the Jewish professor with Israeli citizenship for street credit more than anything else who, by his own admission, is a heretic.  A good one too, he really knows his stuff.  He quotes texts out of context and makes the argument that Israel is not living up to its own expectations and requirements from a spiritual point of view.  The audience enjoys this profession and sermon, believing it to be true.  Who takes spiritual advice from a heretic, who listens to him quote Torah, or more disturbingly, who believes it?  He argues that Israel should dwell with the nations around it, and in whose midst it finds itself, and not arouse their anger; that there should be one state of both Arabs and Jews living harmoniously together… death, albeit slowly at first.  Then there is an Arab professor, who enumerates the ways in which Israel was, is, and from what we can tell will always be responsible for the erosion of the peace accords, and for all Palestinian suffering in general.  Arab eyes wept with the Palestinians during Cast Lead.  But the only sympathy that could be acted upon was the sadness that not enough Israelis died.  Send more guns, rockets, that will ease the suffering.  Does Schadenfreude by any other name feel as good?  Dress it up all you want, bottom line is you cannot expect peace if you point fingers and compare death tolls.  But the audience eats it up.  Then a professor representing the United States stands, and gives a well thought out talk on how basically, as long as Cast Lead does not become the norm, America has bigger issues.  True.  And finally, one might think the Israeli view would be heard; someone to stand up and say that no, in fact Israel is defending itself.  Is it harsh?  Sure.  Do we target civilians?  No.  One might think at a panel discussion such a voice would be represented.  But my initial sense of foreboding was not to be disappointed.  No, the last speaker talked about how depressed he was that the right, and more importantly the extreme right, won the Israeli elections.  Zehu.  That’s it.  Questions?  Comments?  Concerns?  You bet.  To the uninitiated ear this panel was unbiased.  To the uneducated and ignorant the Israeli point of view was well heard and well taken.  What is it then, that makes me, a Zionist by my own admision, yet a practical, rational and educated person, want to stand and simply wash my hands of this whole mess, while my friend, sitting just a seat to my right, found the whole circus to be intellectually simulating and judiciously arranged?  Is it, as I said before, a matter of initation and education?  Of being on the “inside” on the Truth?  I find that hard to beleive.  These are people with PHDs, who study this for a living.  Maybe its the opposite then, maybe I am the uninitated and the uneducated member of this audence.  Maybe it is I who needs to be taught how the see the light.  Also doubtful.  Sure, I am a Zionist, but I can read a newspaper or follow the news as well as anyone else.  I draw conclusions based on what I see, learn, hear, etc… Am I passionate?  You bet.  Am I a radical?  Maybe.  But I do not bring that to the table when I am trying to discuss the prospects for peace.  Yet somehow, when I say that what Israel has done may not be perfect, but is defenilty not as demonic as the world is making it out to be, I am branded a radical and pushed to the side.  No, no, liten to the professors, they have PHDs, they say Israel should bow its head to the UN and accept the sporatic rocket fire like good Jews, turn the other cheek, anything else is extremeism.  After all, these are leaders in their feilds, they got there for a reason.  Yes, they did, they are good at what they do for sure.  But it does not make them right.  Knowledge is amoral.  It is neither good nor evil.  It is a tool, and like any tool you can do good or evil with it.  Now, I would not go so far as to say this panel was “evil,” but it definitly was not good.  People believe in the PHD, the professor with the microphone.  If he says it, it must be true.  Nevermind he is not speaking in facts, but rather interpreting those facts, or just simply stating his opinion.  David Duke has a PHD, most higher level Nazis were college educated.  Do they or did they have knowledge?  Yes, of course.  Read Mein Kamph or Marx, they are very well written and have a certian twisted logic and rationalism to them.  But that does not mean they are right.  I reject the idea that now in our modern or post-modern world we are rational enough not to beleive in dogmas and demigogues.  People spurn the religious community for being backwards and close minded, for believeing the Rabbis or ministers or whomever with blind faith.  Yet blind faith exists everywere.  Those who attended this panel and found it pallitable belive in the PHD just as hard core catholics believe in the Pope.  Infallable and all knowing.  A legitimate scholar and open-minded individual cannot close their ears to one side while accepting what the other says as fact.  If one is a seeker and a questioner, one must approach everythign from the very same perspective.  Anything short of that is just as dogmatic and backwards, as close minded and supersitious as the old country religions that they are trying so hard to leave behind.

Whats Wrong With Being “Other”?

Jews in America seem to be constantly bombarded with the problem of being “other”.  Growing up I was told repeatedly that Jews are “on the outside looking in” to America, with images of cold Jewish children peering into a happily lit christian home with a tree and honeybaked ham.  While maintaining a basic Jewish identity has always been important to my family, concessions were made.  My grandparents are from that generation of cold kids looking into happy American households, and they wanted to make sure that their family could be on the inside in the future.  For them assimilation was the answer.  Sure they would celebrate Hanukkah and Passover, but not in the traditional manner.  As with many Jewish American homes Hanukkah in particular became more important, taking on all the trappings of Christmas (lights, songs, feasts, knickknacks, etc…).  However, American society has changed since my grandparents were young.  No longer is it mandatory to fit in to America anymore.  It is almost better to be different, better to have your own culture to bring to the table.  So many Americans are interested in Buddhist and Hindu religion and culture, and embrace diversity everywhere and anywhere they can find it.  Yet Judaism, more so than most other cultures, seems stuck in a bizarre mix of 1910 and 1968.  We still have the assimilationist mentality, yet we want to celebrate our culture.  This ends in bizarre situations, such as a student who stood up in front of my American Judaism class and said she was put off by Eli Wiesel’s comments that the Holocaust was a unique event in history and was also a Jewish event because it made the Jews into the “other,” an image that so many had worked hard to break down.  Yet she said this with a chamsa tattooed on her foot.  So while on one had we Jews want to become fully American, and are offended by things that make us less so (just look at many assimilated Jews’ responses to black hat orthodox), we still want to maintain a Jewish cultural identity, and are often offended when people speak ill of Jews and Judaism.  What we need to do is take a step back, or forward rather, and realize that being “other” is not all bad.  We should be proud of who we are for who we are.  When we try to break down our culture into a purely secular context, and then try to cling to that as our portion in modern multicultural America we are destined to lose ourselves all together.  To quote a essay on Aish.com:

“The “cut-flower phenomenon” illustrates the predicament of Jewish culture. Cut flowers are doomed to die in because they are severed from their roots, just as Jewish culture has been severed from its roots in the Jewish religion. The solution is obvious: reclaim the religious roots of Jewish culture. But roots are not the only thing a plant needs to survive… Authentic Jewish life is characterized by the study of Torah, the observance of Shabbat and Kashrut, and the thrice-daily worship of God. Not Shabbes leichteras museum pieces, but a generation of Jewish women who light their candles to usher in the holy Shabbat. Not klezmer concerts to evoke nostalgia for the shtetl, but Jewish bands playing Jewish music at Jewish weddings where Jewish communities are celebrating the beginning of a new generation of a Jewish family.”

Just learning, thinking and remembering Judaism and Jewish culture will not keep us.  It is by living it out that we will truly become cultural Jews and maintain our standing in America as a multicultural community, not as a melting pot.

Backgroud

So seeing as I have finally broken down and created a blog, I suppose I should explain myself.  I have always held that blogging, at least at this level, was and is pointless.  While my friends and family might read my rants from time to time, realistically blogging would serve no greater purpose.  And I still feel this way.  So why then have I created this page; this tiny speck in the middle of a sea of lost and ignored opinions, just another voice in the teeming void? It is obvious to me that I won’t change anyone’s mind about anything, and that I won’t have an impact on the world through my humble blog. Yet it gives me a stage, a place to vent my frustrations and to explore my new direction. That is why I have called this blog “Return” or “Chazarah.” Through it I hope to chronicle and explore my turn, and though me my family history’s return, to traditional Judaism while I study here at good ol’ Indiana University. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride… because I sure will.